Battery No Longer Included

My car and I are very close.
Ok, maybe I don't even know what model it is...but I love it.
My parking permit says it is a Saturn Saturn. They wanted a model and a make. Two?
Saturn Saturn.
So that's its name now. And Saturn Saturn has spent its last two weeks sporting a "Service Engine Soon" light. That's the one you can ignore, right?


I left Saturn Saturn for a week (church history called). It rebelled.
Came home, refused to start. Michael charged it (it likes him).
Two days later, Kimberly and I had wonderful sushi plans.
Denied.
Saturn Saturn rebelled again. I resorted to negligence.
But then I needed to go somewhere.
So Michael charged it. Again. And we got in the zone (Auto Zone!)
They told me to turn on the car. Rebel. Wouldn't even start for them when they wanted to find out why it wouldn't start. Talk about stubborn.
The battery...it was shot. So we got a new one. They asked us if we needed tools. We looked at each other. Sure?
So we got the tools. And went outside. Looked at the battery.
Went back inside.
Asked the nice tool-owning Auto Zone man what he would recommend doing with the tools.
He gave some very good advice. Then we followed it.
Things went pretty smoothly, after we located and retrieved the tool that we (well, Michael, but I won't embarrass him) dropped into the car.
Pretty soon, new battery. We went inside to wash up, because we looked very legit with car stuff all over our hands.
Auto Zone's inventory was piled high in front of the Ladies bathroom door.
Sexist.
I made it in though, and washed my momentarily manly hands.
They told me Saturn Saturn needed some more TLC, but I thought it had enough for one night.
We drove home. And the Service Engine Soon light?
Gone :)

I hope I have a friend who needs a new battery soon! Except I don't because that's sad..but really...I'm a pro.